Updates and Doubts

The latest:
We have our first class on Friday evening!  It's just an orientation meeting, but its a start! We have the child care for Micah all figured out thanks to family (our mommies), friends (Lauren Stokes) and a couple from our church (Jack and Donna Champion).  We already feel SO blessed by the willingness of people to help out!

We also have our fire inspection scheduled for Friday morning.  This is one of things we have to get done in order to "pass" in the eyes of the agency.  I was very happy to find out this is a FREE service.  Yay! One less thing to pay for.  ;)

Speaking of stuff to pay for - I've already been blown away by the generosity of others in donating money to our cause!  I can't wait to write those names on our puzzle.  We still have a LONG way to go - but I know God will get us to where we need to be.

I've been told we have more paperwork to fill out once we start classes.  I attempted to email in order to get a head start over such "paperwork" over the weekend but never heard back - so I guess God didn't want me to do it.  :)

As we get closer to being an "open" home I start to have my doubts.
Do I doubt God's plan? No.
Do I doubt God's purpose?  No.
Do I doubt myself?  An absolute YES.

When I was pregger with Micah I had horrible fears that Micah would come out with some syndrome or disorder.  Working in ECI has its downsides.  I've seen all sorts of children displaying all different kinds of syndromes, disorders, language delays, developmental delays, etc. etc.  It's very scary to have children when you know all the "what-ifs." BUT...never once did that make me want to abort my son.  I always knew that GOD knew what was best - and it also made me pray a LOT more!  And of course - Micah is fine and "perfect" (at least for the first five minutes of his life).  I fear that I won't be able to handle a child with "baggage" that comes from a "difficult background." This doesn't deter my purpose - but it puts doubts in my heart.  I'm having difficulty remembering that "God doesn't call the qualified - he qualifies the called." There are too many things that God has put in my path that make me for ONCE doubt that He is leading us this way.

But still....it's scary.  Blind faith IS scary.  It isn't supposed to be easy.  If it were - faith would be pointless.

But without FAITH it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that HE IS, and that HE IS a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)