Neglect's Ugly Face

I've discovered something since Thursday.

I've received so many "congratulations!" and "how exciting!" from so many people.  I understand why; we've worked SO hard for several months to get to this point.  It is exciting - but it's also scary, sad, and unfamiliar.

The only "congratulations" lies in the fact that the children are no longer in a dangerous situation.  They are SAFE and LOVED like they should be.  But truly - the circumstances that brought them here are anything but congratulatory.

These sweet boys.  I often ask God, "why me?"  There are times when I feel SO un-qualified to do this.  In the heat of the moment when the baby just will NOT STOP CRYING, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and under-qualified.

But God called us here.  I prayed fervently that God would send the right children to our home, and I know he did that.  But there are still challenges.

When the oldest starts smashing things and yelling.  When the youngest refuses to be put down for a second.

But the thing about children who have been neglected is there's a REASON behind every action.  If Micah starts yelling, I know he's probably just over-excited and needs to use his "inside voice."  When the oldest started yelling and covering his eyes upon every question, I knew there was something going on.  He didn't communicate to me that he had a headache and the noise was hurting his head.  Sweet boy.  He's probably had the same issue and no one ever listened.  I had to take the time to show him I care.  I'm here to meet his needs.  He will be taken care of here with no exceptions.

Baby probably cries when I put him down because he's terrified I'll leave him and never come back.  His cries aren't cries of fussiness - they are pure fear.  He's not even a year old and I hear fear in his cries.

They look normal.  If you saw them at first glance you wouldn't think of them any differently than a normal kid.  But they aren't normal.  Their history is tattered and full of broken promises.  You can't just earn that trust and build a relationship in a day (or two).  We will be working on "surviving" for the next couple weeks.

But I have hope.  By God's grace I have hope.  Micah and oldest get along super well - just like brothers!!! I have finally started to get a smile from baby's face.  His giggle is contagious.  I loved snuggling with the oldest during a movie tonight.  So many things we often take for granted as parents - but in these kids, they are extra precious and special.

God has lead us here.  We are not alone.  And even though I cried twice today because I thought I couldn't do it - God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.