The Day She Became Mine

For those that read my last blog post and responded with prayer - I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  God has spoken to me SO much the past two weeks and has shown me His unfailing, undying love and care for me.  Thank you for your prayers for my weak heart; they were heard.

I love shopping.  Especially sales.  And thrift stores.  On Monday of last week I took a couple hours off and spent some much-needed time with my husband.  The first stop was Cracker Barrel (one of my favorite places - food and shopping combined!!!) They were having a 75% off sale on select clothing.  I saw this adorable onesie that was completely girlified with pink ruffles and a ruffled hedgehog on the front.  It was on sale for $2! I couldn't resist.  I had to buy it.  Last Saturday Ray and I had some foster parent training and were released early, so we stopped by the Thrift Store in Plano to get Micah some clothes.  I was rummaging through the miscellaneous baggies of different parts and pieces and came across an adorable little purse baby rattle, still in the package.  It was $3.  But I hesitated.  Fear passed through my veins.  Why, you ask?

Because if I buy something specifically for her (other than the necessities), I'm taking a risk.
The risk that I'll get attached.
The risk that I'll get attached and have to let her go tomorrow.
The risk that my heart will be broken.
Yes, true fear came over me when I considered buying the rattle.  Truthfully, I haven't bought anything for baby A that wasn't a necessity up until this point.  All the clothes I have for her were donated; they hold no sentimental aspect for me.

But that onesie...that rattle...spending a measly $5 for baby A...that made her mine.

I would never have given a second thought to buying Micah a toy similar to that when he was a baby.  Because I knew he wasn't going anywhere.  I knew he wouldn't be moving to someone else's house.  I knew he wouldn't be taken away.  I treasured every moment (and still do) with my Micah.  Because he's mine.  He's my only son.  I carried him for nine months and sang to him daily.  He's a part of me and always will be.

I didn't carry baby A for nine months.  I didn't even know her name until she showed up at my front door.  But since day one she's had a connection with me.  From that first smile she gave me, I knew it.

She may not be mine forever.  I may have to let her go tomorrow.  But for today - she's mine.  She's my daughter.  And the joy that brings me is indescribable.

Thank you for your prayers, friends.  This ministry is a very hard one.  But I'm thankful for the joy that God has provided.

"Then he said unto them, Go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for this day is holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; 

for the joy of the LORD is your strength." 

Nehemiah 8:10