Each night Micah and I have our routine. We read books, pray, turn on music, and turn on stars. Some nights, Micah requests to "rock" in the chair with me. Last Monday was such a night. As Micah lays his head on my shoulder, I inhale deeply. I treasure that sweet baby smell as I stroke his hair and kiss his soft skin. Micah will always be my baby boy.
On Sunday our church family was broken to hear of the news of Cody. The Hensley's have been members of our church for longer than Ray and I have been. I've known Cody for years. When the announcement was made as my Sunday school class was taking prayer requests, I broke into tears and had to excuse myself.
My friends - children are precious. Every good parent knows it. Every person should believe it.
The night before (last Saturday), I was telling Ray that I felt I needed a break from teaching Sunday school. I've been teaching children at church for years - but I've grown weary. My lesson last Sunday was about Daniel; but after hearing about Cody's passing, I knew I had to change it last minute.
I teach fourth and fifth graders in our church. The majority of them are "bus kids" - kids that our bus ministry brings in. Some of these kids have never heard about Jesus. These kids don't know what it means to be Saved through faith in Him. I knew Cody was a believer, and I knew he was in Heaven - but did these kids know that? No. God told me without saying a word that it was now MY job to tell these kids who Jesus was. I laid out the plan of salvation for those nine and 10-year olds. And just like that - God reminded me of my purpose for teaching. I may get weary - but I'm there to tell those kids who Jesus was and how He can give us the everlasting life after this life is over.
Cody was a sweet young man that I remember as always respectful and kind. I saw him at VBS this past summer and remember telling Julie (his mom) - "when did he get so old?!" Cody had grown up into a fine and handsome young man that I was proud to know. He was a great kid, and will always be remembered as such.
My grief this past week wasn't so much over Cody's passing - but it was for his mom, Julie. As a mom with one son, my heart can't fathom the pain of losing him. Every time I would think about the accident, or think about Cody, I would picture myself in Julie's shoes. As a mom, my heart is broken for her. My heart ached when I saw the pictures of the accident. My eyes wept when I saw his casket this morning. I saw a former member of our church at the funeral today, and while hugging my neck she said, "they are all our babies, aren't they?" It's true. Once you become a parent, it doesn't matter the age difference - we are all the parents of the children at our church, big and small. Through this tragedy we have all come together in our hearts and wept with Julie over the passing of Cody. My heart weeps for her even now.
This year has been a year of sadness. Sweet Jesse was the first, then my Addi-Beau, and now Cody. I also found out this past week that one of my ECI babies is in the last stages of his disease. I pray that his parents will be able to give him one more Christmas. These losses remind me of who is in control. Every day is a gift. Children are a precious privilege. If you have children in your life, hug them tighter. And since we are all God's children - we all deserve a hug. Don't miss an opportunity to say "I love you" to someone. It may be the last time you have the chance.
Please continue to pray for the Hensley family. Pray deeply.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Six Months
Tomorrow will mark six months since sweet Jesse went home. I've been thinking about it all week. I'll never forget the day I got the news. I'll never forget that sweet face. Sweet Jesse was such a blessing and a light to my soul, if only for a moment.
I reflect back on the past six months of this year, and they've been rough. Shortly after Jesse went home, I had to let my Addi Beau, my sweet Deaf Boxer boy, go as well due to two strokes (and probably a brain tumor as the culprit). April and May were very, very rough months for me. The following months after Jesse and Addi's passing, my heart was deeply wounded. Many non-Christians often think that a loving God would never let "bad things happen to good people." But God was working. It was during those months that I had to lean on Him to see me through. God broke my heart by taking away three things - a sweet precious baby, my dog I had rescued and loved for eight years, and the dreams of having another baby of my own. Yes, I can say that God "took" them - because all things belong to Him in the first place. God's plan is always perfect. God never makes mistakes. If my heart wasn't broken - if I had no where to turn but Him - my heart would have never opened up to children in need.
Six months. That seems like such a short period of time, but so much has happened.
God is still working. With every orphan child's face I see, I'm reminded of how much God loves them. Sweet children - who never asked for their situation; never asked for their circumstances that have led them to where they are. Innocent lives that deserve a better tomorrow. God never closes one door without opening another. He closed the door on portions of my life these past six months to open my eyes to what blessings lie ahead.
"...nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." 2 Timothy 1:12
I reflect back on the past six months of this year, and they've been rough. Shortly after Jesse went home, I had to let my Addi Beau, my sweet Deaf Boxer boy, go as well due to two strokes (and probably a brain tumor as the culprit). April and May were very, very rough months for me. The following months after Jesse and Addi's passing, my heart was deeply wounded. Many non-Christians often think that a loving God would never let "bad things happen to good people." But God was working. It was during those months that I had to lean on Him to see me through. God broke my heart by taking away three things - a sweet precious baby, my dog I had rescued and loved for eight years, and the dreams of having another baby of my own. Yes, I can say that God "took" them - because all things belong to Him in the first place. God's plan is always perfect. God never makes mistakes. If my heart wasn't broken - if I had no where to turn but Him - my heart would have never opened up to children in need.
Six months. That seems like such a short period of time, but so much has happened.
God is still working. With every orphan child's face I see, I'm reminded of how much God loves them. Sweet children - who never asked for their situation; never asked for their circumstances that have led them to where they are. Innocent lives that deserve a better tomorrow. God never closes one door without opening another. He closed the door on portions of my life these past six months to open my eyes to what blessings lie ahead.
"...nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." 2 Timothy 1:12
Monday, October 21, 2013
Home Study, etc.
Tonight after reading our Bible story and saying prayers, Micah sat in my lap and was playing with my hair (if only he could really "picks it" ((fix it)) like he says he is). I pointed to the playpen I have set up in his room and asked, "Micah, what is that in here for?" He pondered for a minute, then said, "mmm....poster tid?" (foster kids). I am so humbled by my sons love for others. Over the past several weeks we have truly seen him blossom in his love and care for others. That kind of spirit can be taught - but I believe it is mostly a gift from the Almighty Himself. Only God can love others unconditionally - and my sweet son is a picture of that love. Love without discrepancy - love without prejudice. I love how my son loves.
Just had to brag on my boy for a minute. Now to the juicy details of our home study that so many are wondering about. :)
Our home study was scheduled for 5:00 last Thursday. At 5:00, I get a call from our "home study person" (I don't know what her title is, honestly) saying that she was coming from the Denton area and was running late.
I went to school in Denton for five years....I knew she wouldn't be there until close to 6:00. Sure enough, I was right. She said she wanted to make up for lost time, so she would try to get through the interview questions before walking through the house. The interviews went fine (it was separated into a couple interview and individual interviews). After the interviews, she did the walk through our house.
Let me pause here to say that Ray and I were truly expecting (and planned for) a thorough walk through - with the "person" opening every door, every drawer, checking every single detail on every one of the checklists that we were given as a guide (there are about five checklists that go into what is required for fostering). Expecting her to go through our house with these checklists, I nearly memorized all of them to ensure every detail was complete. So - I was more than a little shocked when she handed ME the checklists and told me to fill them out and sign at the bottom. Shocked. This wasn't the intrusive home study we were imagining at all. So much of it was based on the honor system - which I guess makes sense considering we are dealing with a Christian agency.
We were told ahead of time that the home study would take 4-6 hours to complete. Ours lasted about three hours. I think this was partially due to the fact that it didn't actually begin until 6:00 and our "person" was probably tired. Not only did she drive from the Denton area, but she also worked a full day prior to that. I would be exhausted too! I did truly appreciate her coming out though. She was very kind, considerate, and didn't judge. I felt like we could be open and honest with her, and we were.
I knew going through the home study that SO many people were praying for us. I know that the home study wouldn't have gone as smoothly as it did if the prayers weren't there. We serve an awesome God folks! He has met our every need through this process and I know He will continue to do so.
So, what's next? Well - at this point we are about 1-2 weeks from being licensed. We have our last training on Thursday evening. After that, it's just a waiting game. Waiting on "the call." Waiting on God to bring us the right children He wants us to care for.
I do have one more prayer request, however. The last thing we have to turn in is a couple book reports. Really, these aren't even long enough to be considered "reports." They are just paragraphs. The painstaking part of this is (since its based on the honor system), we have to read a couple books. These reports are the last piece of our foster-adoption-license-process. And I *strongly dislike* reading! It's horrible!!! I made A's and B's in college - and that is due largely to the fact that I READ. I read text books like there was no tomorrow. But reading these books is SO difficult for me! Please pray for me that I'll find the time and have the endurance to read these books so we can get licensed. Its such a pitiful thing to lack for starting our ministry.
Thanks to all for the prayers and support - I can hardly wait to have another little blessing in our house. :)
Just had to brag on my boy for a minute. Now to the juicy details of our home study that so many are wondering about. :)
Our home study was scheduled for 5:00 last Thursday. At 5:00, I get a call from our "home study person" (I don't know what her title is, honestly) saying that she was coming from the Denton area and was running late.
I went to school in Denton for five years....I knew she wouldn't be there until close to 6:00. Sure enough, I was right. She said she wanted to make up for lost time, so she would try to get through the interview questions before walking through the house. The interviews went fine (it was separated into a couple interview and individual interviews). After the interviews, she did the walk through our house.
Let me pause here to say that Ray and I were truly expecting (and planned for) a thorough walk through - with the "person" opening every door, every drawer, checking every single detail on every one of the checklists that we were given as a guide (there are about five checklists that go into what is required for fostering). Expecting her to go through our house with these checklists, I nearly memorized all of them to ensure every detail was complete. So - I was more than a little shocked when she handed ME the checklists and told me to fill them out and sign at the bottom. Shocked. This wasn't the intrusive home study we were imagining at all. So much of it was based on the honor system - which I guess makes sense considering we are dealing with a Christian agency.
We were told ahead of time that the home study would take 4-6 hours to complete. Ours lasted about three hours. I think this was partially due to the fact that it didn't actually begin until 6:00 and our "person" was probably tired. Not only did she drive from the Denton area, but she also worked a full day prior to that. I would be exhausted too! I did truly appreciate her coming out though. She was very kind, considerate, and didn't judge. I felt like we could be open and honest with her, and we were.
I knew going through the home study that SO many people were praying for us. I know that the home study wouldn't have gone as smoothly as it did if the prayers weren't there. We serve an awesome God folks! He has met our every need through this process and I know He will continue to do so.
So, what's next? Well - at this point we are about 1-2 weeks from being licensed. We have our last training on Thursday evening. After that, it's just a waiting game. Waiting on "the call." Waiting on God to bring us the right children He wants us to care for.
I do have one more prayer request, however. The last thing we have to turn in is a couple book reports. Really, these aren't even long enough to be considered "reports." They are just paragraphs. The painstaking part of this is (since its based on the honor system), we have to read a couple books. These reports are the last piece of our foster-adoption-license-process. And I *strongly dislike* reading! It's horrible!!! I made A's and B's in college - and that is due largely to the fact that I READ. I read text books like there was no tomorrow. But reading these books is SO difficult for me! Please pray for me that I'll find the time and have the endurance to read these books so we can get licensed. Its such a pitiful thing to lack for starting our ministry.
Thanks to all for the prayers and support - I can hardly wait to have another little blessing in our house. :)
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Tears of Joy
"Lord, thou hast heard the desire of the humble: thou wilt prepare their heart, thou wilt cause thine ear to hear: To judge the fatherless and the oppressed, that the man of the earth may no more oppress." Psalm 10:17-18
This verse plays in my mind over and over again as I consider where we are right now. I got an email today letting us know that we have been assigned a "home study assessor," (if I could give her a title) that will be completing our home study. We should be getting a call very soon from her to schedule our home study. At this point, we are about four weeks away from being licensed as an "open" home.
As I read through the email detailing the elements of the home study and what to expect, I began to cry. All I could think about was how God had heard my desire to have another child, and He has provided a way where there seemed to be no way. Mind you - the journey to get here was a very painful one. The pain of infertility can only be understood by one who has been through it.
God had to break me to bring me here. He had to crush my dreams and help me discover new ones. God created a person so broken that I had no reliance on anyone but Him.
God is my Provider. It is only through His provision through many people that we have been able to come this far. It is because of the generous hands of those around me that we will welcome a child (or two) into our home. God only knows who those children are - but our hearts are ready for them. Our hearts are waiting for them. The heart within me that God broke is now fitting the pieces back together again. He will show me the way to heal the hearts of children that come from hard places. It is only by His strength - His will - His plan - His purpose - that I can accomplish anything and everything.
"For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence." Colossians 1:16-18
Saturday, September 28, 2013
One step at at a time...
I can't believe we're already done with classes! These past couple weeks went by so quickly. I learned a TON about the foster care system, ways to handle behaviors, and got to brush up on my CPR/First aid. I was already certified in infant and child CPR, but had to take the adult part (even though the procedure is essentially the same). Either way, we are FINISHED with this part of the process! I got an email yesterday from Jamie Green at Covenant Kids asking us if we were done with classes, and if so, we could get started on our home study.
HOLY CANOLI'S - Are we really that close?!
When Ray and I first decided on foster to adopt, we were open to "six months to three years old" of "Hispanic or Caucasian" ethnicity. We admitted to each other today that we were both SO convicted during the classes on age and ethnicity. Quite frankly, our choices were based on selfishness; we didn't want to be put out of place or feel uncomfortable.
What were we thinking? It's crazy to think that we, three-times-a-week church goers, would think such a thing about a child! Micah is the only white kid in a predominantly black daycare for crying out loud! So ridiculous and YES - very selfish. We didn't expect to feel so convicted by the classes, but we definitely were.
SO...with that being said, we've widened our desires to 0-5, any ethnicity or gender. We are also open to accepting a sibling group of two. It's completely possible that I could wake up one day with my Micah - and the next day be a mom of three! I truly feel that we'll have children in our home by Christmas. I have no factual basis to go along with that - but since we made the decision to go ahead and take classes in September (instead of February) back on 8-24-13, I've had a sense of urgency in my heart about everything. And everything has rightly fallen into place too!
I still can't believe that I'm going to be a mom again. And not just a mom....but a FOSTER mom to children who desperately need nurturing and care. Ray and I may be the first people to take those children to church. We may be the first people to read to them. We may be the first people to pray with them. We may be the only Jesus that they and their parents ever see. This is a ministry. This is a calling. Something so profound and so life-changing that we never would have placed ourselves here.
I told my story about infertility in an earlier post. I've come to realize that with every revelation, some form of heartache or heartbreak has to occur. Whether it's the death of a loved one, or the death of a dream. God had to break my heart to change it. God brought me to a place where I had no where to turn but to Him. I had to bury my dreams of having a second child biologically. I had to place my hands in my Eternal Father - the Maker of the heavens - and give Him my dreams instead.
One thing that Ray and I have been so blessed by is how we seem to see adoption everywhere now. We watched the movie The Odd Life of Timothy Green the other day. The first part of the movie where they bury the dreams of their child made me cry. That's what every struggling couple or woman essentially does when conception doesn't happen. I consider Timothy the little glimmer of hope that God gives every person when we lay our dreams down at His feet. And at the end of that hope - the end of my hope - is a child (or children!) A sweet little boy or girl that is waiting for a forever family. God has that child - those children - for us.
I want to be completely open and candid with every part of this process. I know that so many people have questions that they will never seek answers for. One of the biggest questions I had was finances. When we first started considering adoption, we thought it was "way too expensive" for us and that we would have to save money for months in order to make it happen. When I started doing my research and YES, asking lots of questions, I realized it wasn't impossible. Foster to adoption isn't crazy expensive. The things we've had to purchase are really just things that every home with children should have anyways - a diaper pail with lid (I just used an open trash can up until now), a fire extinguisher, baby locks for cabinets, locking storage for firearms, first aid kit, etc. etc. Nothing seems outlandish or makes me say, "that's crazy!" The paperwork is the same way. Yes, there is a LOT of it (about 20+ forms), but I was able to complete the majority of it within a day. And all of it seems to make sense for any family!
Our agency has also been great too! Ray and I got physicals done yesterday and our doctor told us that he had "heard great things about Covenant Kids." Come to find out too that him and his wife actually started the process, but were told to wait another year. I couldn't believe that my doctor had actually been familiar with Covenant Kids! Which also means my doctor is a Christian, and that's awesome too! :)
There's just no way that I could possibly write everything down. I am fueled with motivation and eagerness to get everything done. With that said - DON'T HESITATE TO ASK ANY QUESTIONS! Whether it's from me or another foster mom you know - don't let fear keep you from getting your questions answered.
HOLY CANOLI'S - Are we really that close?!
When Ray and I first decided on foster to adopt, we were open to "six months to three years old" of "Hispanic or Caucasian" ethnicity. We admitted to each other today that we were both SO convicted during the classes on age and ethnicity. Quite frankly, our choices were based on selfishness; we didn't want to be put out of place or feel uncomfortable.
What were we thinking? It's crazy to think that we, three-times-a-week church goers, would think such a thing about a child! Micah is the only white kid in a predominantly black daycare for crying out loud! So ridiculous and YES - very selfish. We didn't expect to feel so convicted by the classes, but we definitely were.
SO...with that being said, we've widened our desires to 0-5, any ethnicity or gender. We are also open to accepting a sibling group of two. It's completely possible that I could wake up one day with my Micah - and the next day be a mom of three! I truly feel that we'll have children in our home by Christmas. I have no factual basis to go along with that - but since we made the decision to go ahead and take classes in September (instead of February) back on 8-24-13, I've had a sense of urgency in my heart about everything. And everything has rightly fallen into place too!
I still can't believe that I'm going to be a mom again. And not just a mom....but a FOSTER mom to children who desperately need nurturing and care. Ray and I may be the first people to take those children to church. We may be the first people to read to them. We may be the first people to pray with them. We may be the only Jesus that they and their parents ever see. This is a ministry. This is a calling. Something so profound and so life-changing that we never would have placed ourselves here.
I told my story about infertility in an earlier post. I've come to realize that with every revelation, some form of heartache or heartbreak has to occur. Whether it's the death of a loved one, or the death of a dream. God had to break my heart to change it. God brought me to a place where I had no where to turn but to Him. I had to bury my dreams of having a second child biologically. I had to place my hands in my Eternal Father - the Maker of the heavens - and give Him my dreams instead.
One thing that Ray and I have been so blessed by is how we seem to see adoption everywhere now. We watched the movie The Odd Life of Timothy Green the other day. The first part of the movie where they bury the dreams of their child made me cry. That's what every struggling couple or woman essentially does when conception doesn't happen. I consider Timothy the little glimmer of hope that God gives every person when we lay our dreams down at His feet. And at the end of that hope - the end of my hope - is a child (or children!) A sweet little boy or girl that is waiting for a forever family. God has that child - those children - for us.
I want to be completely open and candid with every part of this process. I know that so many people have questions that they will never seek answers for. One of the biggest questions I had was finances. When we first started considering adoption, we thought it was "way too expensive" for us and that we would have to save money for months in order to make it happen. When I started doing my research and YES, asking lots of questions, I realized it wasn't impossible. Foster to adoption isn't crazy expensive. The things we've had to purchase are really just things that every home with children should have anyways - a diaper pail with lid (I just used an open trash can up until now), a fire extinguisher, baby locks for cabinets, locking storage for firearms, first aid kit, etc. etc. Nothing seems outlandish or makes me say, "that's crazy!" The paperwork is the same way. Yes, there is a LOT of it (about 20+ forms), but I was able to complete the majority of it within a day. And all of it seems to make sense for any family!
Our agency has also been great too! Ray and I got physicals done yesterday and our doctor told us that he had "heard great things about Covenant Kids." Come to find out too that him and his wife actually started the process, but were told to wait another year. I couldn't believe that my doctor had actually been familiar with Covenant Kids! Which also means my doctor is a Christian, and that's awesome too! :)
There's just no way that I could possibly write everything down. I am fueled with motivation and eagerness to get everything done. With that said - DON'T HESITATE TO ASK ANY QUESTIONS! Whether it's from me or another foster mom you know - don't let fear keep you from getting your questions answered.
"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." Romans 5:3-5
Friday, September 13, 2013
First Class: (Incorrect) Preconceived Notions
First and foremost - I apologize for any typographical errors in the post below. I had a crown re-done yesterday and have been operating on Vicodin here and there - so I'm not really all there. Enjoy. :)
So we had our first class tonight! It was just orientation and lasted three hours - but we learned a LOT about the process and the general in's and out's of foster/adoption. One thing I loved is how much Christ was lifted up. We even started the class with prayer! Such a blessing to be with a room full of believers. Here are a couple revelations from tonight:
I had the incorrect preconceived idea that as a "foster to adopt" family we would ONLY get kiddos that were most-likely going to be up for adoption. But - there are no sure things with foster kids. Approximately 53% of them are reunited with their families (typically another family member; not the parent). We were encouraged to be "heavy on the foster side." I guess I wasn't originally open to this idea because of the loss. Chances are very, VERY great that we will get attached to a child and have to let them go. I know this will be difficult for me. But with that, I have peace that this is what God wants for us. This is so much more of a greater purpose than I ever could have thought of. Where God provides a will, He always provides a way.
Ray came to the realization that we should be open to older children. (!) We had to fill out a survey at the end of our class asking us general info on the child(ren) we'd be open to fostering. When Ray mentioned he'd be fine and actually more comfortable with a child 4-6 years old, I about fell out of my chair! I stuck my ground for several minutes and argued my case as to why we should only accept 0-3 years old children, but then remembered something important. As a Christian wife, I'm supposed to submit to my husband. And with that thought....I honestly can't even count the times that I've let Ray "have his way" and it go awry. So...we made a compromise and agreed on 0-5 years old. I jokingly said, "I'll take 0-2.5 years old, and you can take the 2.5-5 year olds." We also agreed to accept a sibling group of two kids. A family of FIVE with just a phone call - I can't even imagine it! But as Ray said..."we'll just deal with it when it comes." Easy for him to say! Considering the type of planning person I am - this whole deal is a HUGE leap of faith for me! Essentially, all I can do is pray, save money, and wait for who God has for us.
I still have no idea what we're doing. I can't believe that God has lead us to this place. But I KNOW He has. Here's a rough list of how we got here. I've changed names and initials for privacy reasons.
Little H: a foster kiddo I worked with back in 2011. My heart fell for this guy. He was a foster kiddo and was eventually adopted by his foster family.
J.W (2012): Another foster kiddo who had suffered extreme neglect. Very hard and emotional kiddo for me. I just wanted to hold him every minute I saw him. He was eventually reunited with family members after being in foster care for a short time.
E. (2013): A little one adopted from Haiti. Mom has been a huge blessing to me!!!
McC Family (2013): Adopted a boy from China.
C. (2013): Little one adopted from China.
C. (2013): Little one who was adopted via private adoption (was adopted right after birth).
As you can see - God has put the most influences in my path in just this year. I KNOW we're on the right path - even though I can't see all the steps. God is in this.
(For we walk by faith, not by sight:) - 2 Corinthians 5:7
So we had our first class tonight! It was just orientation and lasted three hours - but we learned a LOT about the process and the general in's and out's of foster/adoption. One thing I loved is how much Christ was lifted up. We even started the class with prayer! Such a blessing to be with a room full of believers. Here are a couple revelations from tonight:
I had the incorrect preconceived idea that as a "foster to adopt" family we would ONLY get kiddos that were most-likely going to be up for adoption. But - there are no sure things with foster kids. Approximately 53% of them are reunited with their families (typically another family member; not the parent). We were encouraged to be "heavy on the foster side." I guess I wasn't originally open to this idea because of the loss. Chances are very, VERY great that we will get attached to a child and have to let them go. I know this will be difficult for me. But with that, I have peace that this is what God wants for us. This is so much more of a greater purpose than I ever could have thought of. Where God provides a will, He always provides a way.
Ray came to the realization that we should be open to older children. (!) We had to fill out a survey at the end of our class asking us general info on the child(ren) we'd be open to fostering. When Ray mentioned he'd be fine and actually more comfortable with a child 4-6 years old, I about fell out of my chair! I stuck my ground for several minutes and argued my case as to why we should only accept 0-3 years old children, but then remembered something important. As a Christian wife, I'm supposed to submit to my husband. And with that thought....I honestly can't even count the times that I've let Ray "have his way" and it go awry. So...we made a compromise and agreed on 0-5 years old. I jokingly said, "I'll take 0-2.5 years old, and you can take the 2.5-5 year olds." We also agreed to accept a sibling group of two kids. A family of FIVE with just a phone call - I can't even imagine it! But as Ray said..."we'll just deal with it when it comes." Easy for him to say! Considering the type of planning person I am - this whole deal is a HUGE leap of faith for me! Essentially, all I can do is pray, save money, and wait for who God has for us.
I still have no idea what we're doing. I can't believe that God has lead us to this place. But I KNOW He has. Here's a rough list of how we got here. I've changed names and initials for privacy reasons.
Little H: a foster kiddo I worked with back in 2011. My heart fell for this guy. He was a foster kiddo and was eventually adopted by his foster family.
J.W (2012): Another foster kiddo who had suffered extreme neglect. Very hard and emotional kiddo for me. I just wanted to hold him every minute I saw him. He was eventually reunited with family members after being in foster care for a short time.
E. (2013): A little one adopted from Haiti. Mom has been a huge blessing to me!!!
McC Family (2013): Adopted a boy from China.
C. (2013): Little one adopted from China.
C. (2013): Little one who was adopted via private adoption (was adopted right after birth).
As you can see - God has put the most influences in my path in just this year. I KNOW we're on the right path - even though I can't see all the steps. God is in this.
(For we walk by faith, not by sight:) - 2 Corinthians 5:7
Monday, September 9, 2013
Updates and Doubts
The latest:
We have our first class on Friday evening! It's just an orientation meeting, but its a start! We have the child care for Micah all figured out thanks to family (our mommies), friends (Lauren Stokes) and a couple from our church (Jack and Donna Champion). We already feel SO blessed by the willingness of people to help out!
We also have our fire inspection scheduled for Friday morning. This is one of things we have to get done in order to "pass" in the eyes of the agency. I was very happy to find out this is a FREE service. Yay! One less thing to pay for. ;)
Speaking of stuff to pay for - I've already been blown away by the generosity of others in donating money to our cause! I can't wait to write those names on our puzzle. We still have a LONG way to go - but I know God will get us to where we need to be.
I've been told we have more paperwork to fill out once we start classes. I attempted to email in order to get a head start over such "paperwork" over the weekend but never heard back - so I guess God didn't want me to do it. :)
As we get closer to being an "open" home I start to have my doubts.
Do I doubt God's plan? No.
Do I doubt God's purpose? No.
Do I doubt myself? An absolute YES.
When I was pregger with Micah I had horrible fears that Micah would come out with some syndrome or disorder. Working in ECI has its downsides. I've seen all sorts of children displaying all different kinds of syndromes, disorders, language delays, developmental delays, etc. etc. It's very scary to have children when you know all the "what-ifs." BUT...never once did that make me want to abort my son. I always knew that GOD knew what was best - and it also made me pray a LOT more! And of course - Micah is fine and "perfect" (at least for the first five minutes of his life). I fear that I won't be able to handle a child with "baggage" that comes from a "difficult background." This doesn't deter my purpose - but it puts doubts in my heart. I'm having difficulty remembering that "God doesn't call the qualified - he qualifies the called." There are too many things that God has put in my path that make me for ONCE doubt that He is leading us this way.
But still....it's scary. Blind faith IS scary. It isn't supposed to be easy. If it were - faith would be pointless.
We have our first class on Friday evening! It's just an orientation meeting, but its a start! We have the child care for Micah all figured out thanks to family (our mommies), friends (Lauren Stokes) and a couple from our church (Jack and Donna Champion). We already feel SO blessed by the willingness of people to help out!
We also have our fire inspection scheduled for Friday morning. This is one of things we have to get done in order to "pass" in the eyes of the agency. I was very happy to find out this is a FREE service. Yay! One less thing to pay for. ;)
Speaking of stuff to pay for - I've already been blown away by the generosity of others in donating money to our cause! I can't wait to write those names on our puzzle. We still have a LONG way to go - but I know God will get us to where we need to be.
I've been told we have more paperwork to fill out once we start classes. I attempted to email in order to get a head start over such "paperwork" over the weekend but never heard back - so I guess God didn't want me to do it. :)
As we get closer to being an "open" home I start to have my doubts.
Do I doubt God's plan? No.
Do I doubt God's purpose? No.
Do I doubt myself? An absolute YES.
When I was pregger with Micah I had horrible fears that Micah would come out with some syndrome or disorder. Working in ECI has its downsides. I've seen all sorts of children displaying all different kinds of syndromes, disorders, language delays, developmental delays, etc. etc. It's very scary to have children when you know all the "what-ifs." BUT...never once did that make me want to abort my son. I always knew that GOD knew what was best - and it also made me pray a LOT more! And of course - Micah is fine and "perfect" (at least for the first five minutes of his life). I fear that I won't be able to handle a child with "baggage" that comes from a "difficult background." This doesn't deter my purpose - but it puts doubts in my heart. I'm having difficulty remembering that "God doesn't call the qualified - he qualifies the called." There are too many things that God has put in my path that make me for ONCE doubt that He is leading us this way.
But still....it's scary. Blind faith IS scary. It isn't supposed to be easy. If it were - faith would be pointless.
- But without FAITH it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that HE IS, and that HE IS a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)
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