The title is appropriate in naming it "a process." We were going full steam ahead, getting things turned in as fast as possible, only to be doing nothing but waiting for over a month now. Our home study was completed on October 17th, but our agency wanted more information on Ray's background, his motivations for adopting, etc. etc. Scheduling "difficulties" resulted in these questions not getting answered until last Monday. Now, we wait some more. The home study report is probably at least 30 pages and details everything about our lives (past, present, future), so I suppose I can understand why it takes so long. Still - to be rushing through everything and now hurry up and WAIT - I find it difficult. The past three months of our lives have been revolving around foster/adoption - and when that process comes to a standstill, what is there left to do but pray?
Even though I had my hopes on being licensed and having another child by Thanksgiving, God was pushing me to go to Huntsville for a break. My parents own land down there (it was where my dad grew up), and it's truly a beautiful place to just get away from it all. Break habits. Change the schedule for a couple days. I was hesitant to go - but God told me to - so I went. I admit that I desperately needed that time away. I needed time to breathe in some fresh country air. I needed to forget about the stress of the foster/adoption. I feel like such a weenie for saying that, considering our process has been virtually seamless thus far - but nevertheless, the devil always finds a way to discourage those that are weak.
We had set up the pack n' play in Micah's bedroom, both for the home study and for Micah to get used to its presence (in the hopes that we would be licensed by Thanksgiving). As I was cleaning last Saturday, I decided to pack it back up and set it against a wall in Micah's room. I've been contemplating changing Micah's crib into the toddler bed; a decision I've been putting off because I figured we would use the crib for a foster baby and just get Micah a new bed for Christmas. But thinking through all of this, God spoke to my heart:
If you focus too much on the "next best thing," you'll miss out on the blessings that are right in front of you.
Of course, Paul states that we should be anxious for nothing - that we should be content with what we have - but I suppose I've lost my grasp on those truths over the past couple months. Sometimes I can be so foolish; a forgetful girl that loses sight of God's promises. God didn't ask me to put my entire life on hold as we go through this process - so life will go on. The pack n' play will stay put away until it's needed. Micah's crib will be converted into the toddler bed. And just like every trying period in life - my focus needs to be on HIM. The wait may be hard - but He has the best plans in mind. I need to remember this.
