Listen!

I was leaving my home health visit in Plano today when I felt a still small voice say, "take the tollway."
This isn't the way I usually go, as it actually takes longer (and costs money).  But, I listened anyways and took the tollway.

It did take me a few minutes longer than usual to get to Micah's daycare to pick him up.  But when we were on our way home I found out why.

The main highway that I take to get home was blocked due to a four-car accident.  It had literally just happened.  No cops were on the scene; the victims were just getting out of their cars.  None of the cars seemed to be seriously affected (nor the people I saw), but that wasn't the point.  The fact of the matter was that it could have been me, and would have been had I not listened to God.

The experience was enough to bring tears to my eyes.  If God can handle something so great as to protect Micah and I from an accident on our way home, then there's no reason to mistrust Him when it comes to the little things.

I'm grateful I listened today.  God never disappoints.

Why I Met My Husband

Maybe its just the sappy movie I just watched (We Bought a Zoo) - but I've been contemplating on this a lot anyways.  The basis of it all is that I am grateful - so very grateful - to have the husband I have.  My family and friends weren't exactly always in agreement with my "decision," but I knew it was the right one.

Ray and I actually "met" each other through a chat room (when those were still around) back in 2004.  We started talking to each other for a couple of months.  Honestly, at that point in my life I had met SO many guys offline - that I considered Ray to be "just another guy." Our first official meeting was at a Chevron gas station in Richardson.  The words I can still remember from that night are - "you look good, you smell good - is there anything not good about you?" (quoted from Ray himself.)  My friend Jenny was with me that night.  She thought he was creepy.  I remember telling her that I thought something was different about him, but I couldn't explain what.

Ray was my first valentine.  We had our first kiss in the Olive Garden parking lot in Plano.

We said our first "I love you's" a couple weeks later. And now, nearly eight years later, I'm still saying it.

We have had our ups and downs, as all relationships do.  Even when I was strayed away from the Lord, I'm grateful that He hadn't strayed away from me.  God was always leading and directing my life - so that when I was willing to accept Him again, His plans for me were perfect.

Like I said - my family and friends didn't always agree with my "decision" to stay with Ray (they got over it, by the way).  But because I was a believer - because I'm a child of God - I'm with the man I love.  My opposite - my best friend - my hero.  I love my husband, and I'm so blessed to have him.

Forgiveness

Our church is currently undergoing some re-organization with Sunday School classes.  This new re-organization has put me as a teacher for a young group of "tweens," as they call them.  I wasn't sure if I was going to have to teach this morning or not, but I prepared myself (of sorts) just in case.  My original thought was to just re-teach one of my previous lessons for my teen girls' class.  While looking through the list of lessons I've taught, one stuck out to me: "Forgiveness." Forgiveness? I think to myself.  I didn't bother to open the lesson.  This morning I wake up and do my regular routine of eating my cereal and my morning devotional.  Again, the thought hits me - "Forgiveness." I sense God is trying to tell me something.  Alright God -if you want me to teach on forgiveness, I'll do it - just give me the right words to say to the kids. 

I get to church only to find out that I won't start teaching until next week.  I instead sit in on the class to observe the current teacher and the way things are done.  One of the verses taught in the lesson was on forgiveness, and how we are supposed to forgive others if we want God to forgive us.

This is and of itself was "neat," as I would like to put it.

I get to service, and the special the choir is singing that morning ends with the refrain "I forgive," reminding us as Christians how God forgives us of all our sins.

At this point "neat" had translated in my head to "ok God, I"m listening."

Preacher stands up to share his message and the first verse he reads says: "And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy; Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee." (Matt 9:2).

At this point I just can't help but smile.  I still wonder why God lined things up that way - focusing my mind on forgiveness.  To my knowledge, I don't need to forgive anybody; but I heard Gods voice tell me today that He's preparing me for something.  This thought honestly kind of scares me.  But I'm grateful that God has entrusted me to share this message of forgiveness; that message being of how Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice and bore the sins of the whole world.  God forgave me of my sins - my horrible, wretched past.  All my wrongs - past, present and future - are forgiven entirely.  I don't deserve it.  Jesus didn't deserve what he went through.  But He did it for me and so that I could be forgiven - and He did it for you too.  

Guess who rocks my socks?!

Rushing, rushing, rushing.  That's what every work week feels like to me.  Sure, I may only work three to four days a week, but they are jam-packed weeks with very little spare time to just sit down and breathe.  Today in particular I was in a hurry to get to my home health visit at 3:30 in Plano.  I left my house shortly after 3:00 in McKinney; by the time I got on the highway it was 3:11.  This gave me exactly 19 minutes to get to my visit, approximately 15 miles away.  If you've ever driven in a populated city, you know that this is a pretty big feat, especially at the beginning of rush hour.  I just prayed as I got on the highway, "Lord, please let me get there on time." As I near my exit, I hit traffic - MAJOR traffic.  There's a huge wreck blocking two lanes.  I hear a small voice telling me to exit the frontage road, so I do.  As I get closer to my destination, nearly every light is laden with backed-up cars, but every light is green.  I'm two stop lights away from my destination with seven minutes left on the clock.  "Impossible" is the word that comes to my mind as I pick up my phone, getting ready to send a text to my client to tell them I'll be late.  "Don't bother sending a text," that small voice tells me again. So I don't.  I pull up to my home health visit with two minutes to spare. I tell God (that small voice that was leading me the whole time), "you rock my SOCKS!" Even though I'm not wearing socks today, the premise still holds true.

Little miracles happen every day - we just have to notice them and LISTEN to what God is leading us to do.  

As Ray and I have been going through the loan process for our new house, we had to fork over our recent pay stubs.  Ray and I made the realization that through the ups and downs of this year, he has brought home a meager $15,000.  And let's just say that I haven't made much more than that with my part-time salary in Early Childhood Intervention (I love my job, but as far as salaries go, it's probably the lowest-paying job for an SLP out there).  This number simply doesn't add up to everything that we have been able to receive this year.  A list of our "news" over the past two years, if you will:

New car (bought with 7 miles on it, purchased last year);
New phones;
New computer (paid in full);
New washer/drier (also paid in full);
New couch;
New TV;
New table and chairs with matching china hutch;
Misc. new tools for Ray;
Misc outrageously expensive dental work for myself;
"New" (gently used) tires for my car; and biggest and BEST of all,
NEW house, complete with a new stove, microwave and dishwasher.

Honestly, if you consider how little we've brought home in our pockets this year, there's no way that all of the above "news" add up.  No, we didn't steal anything. But our BLESSINGS (our "news," in this case), is ALL because of God and His grace and abundant mercy.  I've tried over the past several years to always give my 10% and then some, and God has never let me down.  God is ALWAYS faithful.  I can't understand why some people don't get that.  Before I gave my life to God I thought I would be losing everything just by doing so.  But what I've come to realize is that I've gained the whole world by giving my life over to Him.

Plain and simple: GOD rocks my SOCKS.  Whether I'm wearing socks or not.  ;)

Stormy Nights

Last night before I went to bed I prayed that God would make me into the Christian wife and mother that he wants me to be.  I pray for this quite often, as every wife and mom should.  Of course, I didn't know that God was going to work on his "shaping" process last night, either.

12:20 am - extremely loud thunder accompanied by very bright lightening wakes me up.  Micah has never woken up during a storm before, but I keep my ears perked, waiting for his cry.  I can feel Ray shaking next to me, but he's asleep.  I gently wake him up and ask, "why are you shaking?" Then, sure enough...

12:25 am - Micah starts screaming his head off hysterically.  When I go into his room, he is clearly terrified and shaking.  I pick him up and realize that he has a very dirty diaper and he's wet all over.  I change his diaper and clothes, and pick him back up.  That kid has never held onto to me so tight before! Like I had a baby appendage or something.  Go back into Ray and he's shaking, saying "I'm freezing." Of course, I know he is NOT freezing as evidenced by the wicked-hot temperature his body is.  I check his temp, and its 100.5.  He had already been having some stomach issues that evening.  I told him, "don't be surprised if its the flu." Gave him some Tylenol and ibuprofen and told him to drink a glass of water.

12:35 am - Ray throws up the entire contents of his stomach.  Luckily, in the toilet (blessings come in all shapes and sizes and places!!) I stand in the doorway with my baby appendage wrapped around my neck, waiting to hand Ray and cool washcloth. After he finishes, I give him more ibuprofen - this time with a sip of water instead.

12:45 am - I lay down with Micah and Ray in bed.  This would be a sweet way to end the episode we all just experienced, except for the fact that Micah won't lay down.  Of course, he's wide awake.  I try rocking, playing music, etc. etc. in his room and repeatedly (3+ times) to lay him down in his bed so he'll go back to sleep.  He finally does, at...

2:30am. Finally, some sweet sleep until morning. (?)

6:00 am.  Micah has a different concept of "morning," apparently.  He's screaming hysterically, but this time it seems for a different purpose.  Once again, he's soaking wet.  I go through the change-diaper change-clothes routine again and then assume he's teething because no soothing is working.  Finally get some oragel in his mouth ((struggle)), give him a snack, and he's back in bed by...

6:30ish.

All this to say that last night was indeed eventful, but I know it had a purpose.  Being a mom isn't easy.  Being a wife isn't easy.  But being both at the same time, and responding to calls from both sides simultaneously - that's a gift.  It's almost 11:00 now (no church for us this morning) and I'm still quite tired.  But I'm grateful that God chose me to be the wife to Ray and the mom to Micah.
God answers prayers - and sometimes in ways that we wouldn't expect.

Part-time opportunity

I was just remembering when God opened the doors for me to decrease my hours at work to part-time.  It was something that I had prayed off and on for - but after seeing Micah grow up and knowing I was missing so many things because I was working 40+ hours a week, my heart was broken.  I can't even begin to tell how much I wept over not being able to be with my son.  It was tearing me apart - and seeing him cry when I dropped him off at daycare didn't make things any easier.

So, one Friday before the morning began, God pricked my heart to fast that day.  This was something that I had never done before.  But putting the basic need for food aside and instead filling my "eating" moments with prayer instead made both God and myself realize that I was truly serious about this desire in my life.  I simple couldn't imagine continuing to work full time anymore - I couldn't do it.

To put it plainly, God had already been opening some doors for me that week.  My previous home-health job inquired if I could pick up a couple clients.  Of course, with a 40+ hour work schedule, this wouldn't be possible; but with a part-time schedule, it could.  Not to mention that home health pays double what ECI pays, which would help things level out.

I wasn't sure what God wanted me to do with this information.  That was another reason why I fasted that day - for guidance.  I didn't know what to do.  I had some office time at work that day and I talked to my boss.  I didn't see how it would be possible for me to decrease my hours - but thankfully God had a plan.  My boss told me that there was actually another SLP who was wanting to work with ECI, but we didn't currently have any openings.  I could have cried in astonishment - this was my way out.  God provided another SLP to take over some of my case load for me, and within a month I was working part-time and spending more time at home with my son.

God showed me that day that prayer makes anything possible.  Fasting that day got me closer to Him than ever before.  I'm so grateful to have a relationship with a God that cares about me and my desires - and who has provided an "out" for me every time I need one.

Camp, 2012

At our annual trip to church camp this past July Ray and I were very uncertain how we were going to have the means to pay the bills when we got back from camp.  I guess I should back up a bit.

First and foremost, Ray and I had previously concurred that camp wasn't going to be possible this year.  Ray had to have TWO surgeries to remove bilateral hernias (surgeries that cost him three months of work).  Our savings was shot - we were barely making ends meet with my part-time salary and his full time with no paid time off.  Camp seemed like an impossibility.  God made it happen.  Through generous donations of our church, we were put up in a cabin at camp with all costs paid for.  (Blessing #1).

One morning on our way up the hillside for morning class, God showed something to me in the sand.  (Blessing #2).

You see, for several years now any time Ray and I find a dime, we call it "blessings from God." This is a term first "coined" (haha) by our preacher's wife's mom before she died.  It's been amazing to see where we'll find dimes - on the curb next to our car, in our pockets, in some desolate parking lot, etc. etc.  We especially seem to find these dimes when we need to be reminded of God's blessings the most.

Let's go back to camp.  On our way up the hillside in beautiful, cool Colorado, I was very depressed and concerned with how we were going to make ends meet once we got back home.  Then I saw it.  A dime, halfway covered in the sand close to my feet.  "Seriously?" I thought.  It brought tears to my eyes.  If I didn't get anything else out of that week at camp, that dime was enough.  It reminded me that God is always in control, no matter where we are or what we're going through.

Beginning Breeden's Blessings

Well, really, our blessings have been going on for many years now.  But I only recently (aka tonight during church service) thought it would be a good idea to actually write down these "blessings" so we don't forget them.  

God does so much for us in the day to day - but some things in particular stand out.  On our way into church this evening I was thinking how my shoes didn't match my outfit (and thus how much I want some more shoes), but how our current financial situation prohibits us from making any "unnecessary" purchases (we are in the process of building our first home, and are required to save up a hefty sum of  money).  But the preacher's message really spoke to me and made me realize that there are so many things that we just need to ASK for, and God is faithful to provide those things if we would just ASK.  Funny.  What a concept.  I guess when Jesus said, "ask, and it shall be given you," he actually MEANT it.  

I guess the easiest way to relay these blessings is just naming them as they come to mind.  Considering that God has done a great many things for us in the past several years (too many to name, obviously).  

Hopefully this will become a place where I can continually go when the things get rough and remind myself that YES, God DOES exist and he never stops caring for us.  As our preacher says, blessings come by obedience - and God is always faithful to keep up his end of the bargain.