Life with three children is busy.
Really, busy is an understatement.
The past four weeks have been full of stomach bugs, runny noses, diarrhea, coughing, and ear infections. I've honestly already lost count with how many times I've been to the doctor in the past four weeks. But it's probably better that way!
I've managed to balance *mostly* everything - work, school for the oldest, bus routes, daycare schedules, getting CCMS (childcare assistance), housework, etc. Things are finally starting to calm down. But then again - they told us in training that the first 30 days are the hardest. And we've made it through.
Things are getting better. Micah and oldest fight less. Oldest has less breakdowns. Youngest is playing independently and will cruise along furniture and explore his surroundings (as long as I'm nearby). Youngest also says "mama," "dada," "na" for no, and has learned how to sign "more" and "all done." Today the youngest actually refused food for the first time - a HUGE milestone for him. Oldest has shared many stories over the past couple weeks. Not happy stories. Stories of experiences that even adults shouldn't witness. It's enough to make your eyes wide - to make you astonished. But you can't react that way. You can't for a second make him think that everything he saw and experienced is wrong or bad - because it wasn't his fault.
Such fragile children. So breakable, yet resilient.
I've gotten a lot of questions lately from numerous people, so I thought I'd lay out the more common ones here.
"How long are they going to be staying with you?"
I'm sure every foster family would love to know the answer upon placement - but truthfully, there are no definite timelines in foster care. The typical goal is reunification with parent or next of kin. For now, that is their plan. The family has (at first) 6 months to follow the "plan" and get things in place. If they don't make it, they could be given another six months. My best guess would be that they will probably be with us for at least another six months to a year.
"Where are they when you're at work?"
The youngest along with Micah just go to our in-home daycare. I bumped up the frequency to four days a week to give the boys more consistency. The oldest attends pre-k five days a week, then goes to daycare afterwards. I was SO grateful that the bus route worked out so I didn't have to change my work schedule at all.
Not a question, but a comment: "I don't think I could take care of a baby and then have to give it back. I just couldn't do it."
You have to understand something. Just like you don't become friends with everyone you meet - you probably won't connect with every child you foster. Also - the child ISN'T YOURS. Technically, even a child that was born to you isn't yours. Every child belongs and comes from God. If you're being called to foster - let down the wall of selfishness that says "I won't be heartbroken" and open your heart to "I will love and care for the fatherless." That's what God commands us to do.
Before we got a placement, I got this one a lot: "So will you stay at home once you get kids in your home?"
Short answer: uh, NO. Really? I couldn't stay home with one kid, there's no way I'd stay home with three! It isn't financially possible or necessary. Thankfully, my work schedule hasn't changed. I've had to take several hours off to take care of doctors visits, but other than that it's been smooth sailing.
"So can you request certain genders or ages?"
Absolutely! We were open to 0-5, any race, either gender, sibling group of two. Siblings groups are the HARDEST to place; that's why we were open to them. Our boys had to spend the night in the CPS office because nobody would take them.
I've told Ray that if we adopt these boys we're going to need a bigger car. "Why?" he asks. "Because I need my girl and our car won't fit four kids!"
I will have my girl someday. I. Will.
