One step at at a time...

I can't believe we're already done with classes!  These past couple weeks went by so quickly.  I learned a TON about the foster care system, ways to handle behaviors, and got to brush up on my CPR/First aid.  I was already certified in infant and child CPR, but had to take the adult part (even though the procedure is essentially the same).  Either way, we are FINISHED with this part of the process!  I got an email yesterday from Jamie Green at Covenant Kids asking us if we were done with classes, and if so, we could get started on our home study.

HOLY CANOLI'S - Are we really that close?!

When Ray and I first decided on foster to adopt, we were open to "six months to three years old" of "Hispanic or Caucasian" ethnicity.  We admitted to each other today that we were both SO convicted during the classes on age and ethnicity.  Quite frankly, our choices were based on selfishness; we didn't want to be put out of place or feel uncomfortable.

What were we thinking? It's crazy to think that we, three-times-a-week church goers, would think such a thing about a child! Micah is the only white kid in a predominantly black daycare for crying out loud! So ridiculous and YES - very selfish.  We didn't expect to feel so convicted by the classes, but we definitely were.

SO...with that being said, we've widened our desires to 0-5, any ethnicity or gender.  We are also open to accepting a sibling group of two.  It's completely possible that I could wake up one day with my Micah - and the next day be a mom of three! I truly feel that we'll have children in our home by Christmas.  I have no factual basis to go along with that - but since we made the decision to go ahead and take classes in September (instead of February) back on 8-24-13, I've had a sense of urgency in my heart about everything.  And everything has rightly fallen into place too!

I still can't believe that I'm going to be a mom again.  And not just a mom....but a FOSTER mom to children who desperately need nurturing and care.  Ray and I may be the first people to take those children to church.  We may be the first people to read to them.  We may be the first people to pray with them.  We may be the only Jesus that they and their parents ever see.  This is a ministry.  This is a calling.  Something so profound and so life-changing that we never would have placed ourselves here.

I told my story about infertility in an earlier post.  I've come to realize that with every revelation, some form of heartache or heartbreak has to occur.  Whether it's the death of a loved one, or the death of a dream.  God had to break my heart to change it.  God brought me to a place where I had no where to turn but to Him.  I had to bury my dreams of having a second child biologically.  I had to place my hands in my Eternal Father - the Maker of the heavens - and give Him my dreams instead.

One thing that Ray and I have been so blessed by is how we seem to see adoption everywhere now.  We watched the movie The Odd Life of Timothy Green the other day.  The first part of the movie where they bury the dreams of their child made me cry.  That's what every struggling couple or woman essentially does when conception doesn't happen.  I consider Timothy the little glimmer of hope that God gives every person when we lay our dreams down at His feet.  And at the end of that hope - the end of my hope - is a child (or children!)  A sweet little boy or girl that is waiting for a forever family.  God has that child - those children - for us.

I want to be completely open and candid with every part of this process.  I know that so many people have questions that they will never seek answers for.  One of the biggest questions I had was finances.  When we first started considering adoption, we thought it was "way too expensive" for us and that we would have to save money for months in order to make it happen.  When I started doing my research and YES, asking lots of questions, I realized it wasn't impossible.  Foster to adoption isn't crazy expensive.  The things we've had to purchase are really just things that every home with children should have anyways - a diaper pail with lid (I just used an open trash can up until now), a fire extinguisher, baby locks for cabinets, locking storage for firearms, first aid kit, etc. etc.  Nothing seems outlandish or makes me say, "that's crazy!" The paperwork is the same way.  Yes, there is a LOT of it (about 20+ forms), but I was able to complete the majority of it within a day.  And all of it seems to make sense for any family!

Our agency has also been great too!  Ray and I got physicals done yesterday and our doctor told us that he had "heard great things about Covenant Kids."  Come to find out too that him and his wife actually started the process, but were told to wait another year.  I couldn't believe that my doctor had actually been familiar with Covenant Kids! Which also means my doctor is a Christian, and that's awesome too! :)

There's just no way that I could possibly write everything down.  I am fueled with motivation and eagerness to get everything done.  With that said - DON'T HESITATE TO ASK ANY QUESTIONS! Whether it's from me or another foster mom you know - don't let fear keep you from getting your questions answered.

"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." Romans 5:3-5

First Class: (Incorrect) Preconceived Notions

First and foremost - I apologize for any typographical errors in the post below.  I had a crown re-done yesterday and have been operating on Vicodin here and there - so I'm not really all there.  Enjoy.  :)

So we had our first class tonight!  It was just orientation and lasted three hours - but we learned a LOT about the process and the general in's and out's of foster/adoption.  One thing I loved is how much Christ was lifted up.   We even started the class with prayer!  Such a blessing to be with a room full of believers.  Here are a couple revelations from tonight:

I had the incorrect preconceived idea that as a "foster to adopt" family we would ONLY get kiddos that were most-likely going to be up for adoption.  But - there are no sure things with foster kids.  Approximately 53% of them are reunited with their families (typically another family member; not the parent).  We were encouraged to be "heavy on the foster side."  I guess I wasn't originally open to this idea because of the loss. Chances are very, VERY great that we will get attached to a child and have to let them go.  I know this will be difficult for me.  But with that, I have peace that this is what God wants for us.  This is so much more of a greater purpose than I ever could have thought of.  Where God provides a will, He always provides a way.

Ray came to the realization that we should be open to older children.  (!)  We had to fill out a survey at the end of our class asking us general info on the child(ren) we'd be open to fostering.  When Ray mentioned he'd be fine and actually more comfortable with a child 4-6 years old, I about fell out of my chair!  I stuck my ground for several minutes and argued my case as to why we should only accept 0-3 years old children, but then remembered something important.  As a Christian wife, I'm supposed to submit to my husband.  And with that thought....I honestly can't even count the times that I've let Ray "have his way" and it go awry.  So...we made a compromise and agreed on 0-5 years old.  I jokingly said, "I'll take 0-2.5 years old, and you can take the 2.5-5 year olds." We also agreed to accept a sibling group of two kids.  A family of FIVE with just a phone call - I can't even imagine it! But as Ray said..."we'll just deal with it when it comes."  Easy for him to say!  Considering the type of planning person I am - this whole deal is a HUGE leap of faith for me! Essentially, all I can do is pray, save money, and wait for who God has for us.

I still have no idea what we're doing.  I can't believe that God has lead us to this place.  But I KNOW He has.  Here's a rough list of how we got here.  I've changed names and initials for privacy reasons.

Little H: a foster kiddo I worked with back in 2011.  My heart fell for this guy.  He was a foster kiddo and was eventually adopted by his foster family.

J.W (2012): Another foster kiddo who had suffered extreme neglect.  Very hard and emotional kiddo for me.  I just wanted to hold him every minute I saw him.  He was eventually reunited with family members after being in foster care for a short time.

E. (2013): A little one adopted from Haiti.  Mom has been a huge blessing to me!!!

McC Family (2013): Adopted a boy from China.

C. (2013): Little one adopted from China.

C. (2013): Little one who was adopted via private adoption (was adopted right after birth).

As you can see - God has put the most influences in my path in just this year.  I KNOW we're on the right path - even though I can't see all the steps.  God is in this.

(For we walk by faith, not by sight:) - 2 Corinthians 5:7

Updates and Doubts

The latest:
We have our first class on Friday evening!  It's just an orientation meeting, but its a start! We have the child care for Micah all figured out thanks to family (our mommies), friends (Lauren Stokes) and a couple from our church (Jack and Donna Champion).  We already feel SO blessed by the willingness of people to help out!

We also have our fire inspection scheduled for Friday morning.  This is one of things we have to get done in order to "pass" in the eyes of the agency.  I was very happy to find out this is a FREE service.  Yay! One less thing to pay for.  ;)

Speaking of stuff to pay for - I've already been blown away by the generosity of others in donating money to our cause!  I can't wait to write those names on our puzzle.  We still have a LONG way to go - but I know God will get us to where we need to be.

I've been told we have more paperwork to fill out once we start classes.  I attempted to email in order to get a head start over such "paperwork" over the weekend but never heard back - so I guess God didn't want me to do it.  :)

As we get closer to being an "open" home I start to have my doubts.
Do I doubt God's plan? No.
Do I doubt God's purpose?  No.
Do I doubt myself?  An absolute YES.

When I was pregger with Micah I had horrible fears that Micah would come out with some syndrome or disorder.  Working in ECI has its downsides.  I've seen all sorts of children displaying all different kinds of syndromes, disorders, language delays, developmental delays, etc. etc.  It's very scary to have children when you know all the "what-ifs." BUT...never once did that make me want to abort my son.  I always knew that GOD knew what was best - and it also made me pray a LOT more!  And of course - Micah is fine and "perfect" (at least for the first five minutes of his life).  I fear that I won't be able to handle a child with "baggage" that comes from a "difficult background." This doesn't deter my purpose - but it puts doubts in my heart.  I'm having difficulty remembering that "God doesn't call the qualified - he qualifies the called." There are too many things that God has put in my path that make me for ONCE doubt that He is leading us this way.

But still....it's scary.  Blind faith IS scary.  It isn't supposed to be easy.  If it were - faith would be pointless.

But without FAITH it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that HE IS, and that HE IS a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. (Hebrews 11:6)

Bringing Home a Breeden - Puzzle Fundraiser!!!

When Ray and I made the abrupt decision to pursue the foster/adoption classes in September instead of February, we quickly realized that our plans had changed in many ways; not only with the scheduling, but with the amount of money we have tucked away for our Little One.  We had originally planned on taking classes in February to give us some time to save up money, buy what we needed for another child, etc. etc. Adopting from the foster care system is very affordable; the biggest expense will come from the adoption itself (due to attorney's fees).  BUT...we also need to get more furniture and other items to comply with the adoption agency.

Our goal is $2500.  We put together a puzzle to encourage people to donate.  For only $5 you can "adopt" a puzzle piece.  When you do this, we will write your name on the back of a puzzle piece!  That way our Little One will be able to see all the people that cared enough to bring him/her home!

SO....$5 is all it takes to help us in our adoption adventure!  Of course, we'd love to write your name on more than one piece - but even a small donation will make a big impact in our Little One's life.  Thank you so much in advance for your help and generosity!!!

Fundraising Link:
http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/bringing-home-a-breeden/85935

Our Story: Everybody has one

I wanted to share a little bit about our background story.  It hasn't been a short journey to get to where we are now.  This actually started out as a document that we had to send to the agency as they wanted to know our story behind having difficulty conceiving (yeah- no secrets with adoption agencies!) After I started writing it I realized that there was not "short" explanation.  This is our story.  Every couple has one that details the whys, whens, and whos of why they decided on adoption.  Of course - I didn't realize that we had a story until tonight.  But I guess we all do, don't we? :)

Our Story:

We were very blessed in April 2011 when our son Micah was born.  We had absolutely -zero- difficulty conceiving Micah and were actually surprised by how easy it was! Once Micah was about three to four months old, we thought about trying to have another baby (as crazy as that thought now seems looking back on it!) We soon realized that conceiving the second time around wasn’t going to be as easy.  Honestly, this didn’t bother us; between the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives and work schedules, one thing after another always popped up that made us say, “thank goodness we don’t have another baby!” At the time Micah was born we were living in a quaint three-bedroom house of 1200 square feet.  Adequate enough for two adults and one child; but no room for another baby.  This also added to our “it’s okay” mentality for not having another baby.  We briefly discussed the idea of adoption, but never pursued it, thinking it would be too difficult or too expensive.  I always believed that “what happened would happen” and in leaving my/our future in God’s hands.  I knew that if God wanted us to have another baby, it would happen in His own time. 

I went to my gynecologist for my annual exam last year (2012) and no problems were found.  I contemplated several times about seeking fertility treatments; but I did not want to put all of my “eggs” into a “fertile” basket with no guarantees.  I didn’t want to be one of “those women” who spends thousands upon thousands of dollars and faces treatment after treatment to have a baby.  I also didn’t see the sense in pursuing options of having another biological child when I knew there were children out there that needed a home.  The lack of other options really boils down to one central aspect: I didn’t have peace with going through fertility treatments, and I couldn’t move forward with something I didn’t have peace about.  Our preacher once told me that you know you’re living in God’s will when you have peace; so I knew there was something else around the bend waiting for us.

It wasn’t until the beginning of this year (2013) that something in my heart was stirred.  Not just stirred – but truly grieved.  I saw friends having second and third children so easily and quickly – and it hurt.  It hurt the very depths of my heart.  I yearned for another child – I wanted another child so deeply; but I felt as though I was out of options.  My heart was truly broken as menstrual cycle after menstrual cycle came.  My heart gave up on having another child; but it was still hard to accept.

Shortly after we moved into our new house in December, 2012, I started attending our neighbor’s women’s Bible study that they host out of their house.  They were covering Genesis when I jumped into the study.  I didn’t know it at the time – but God was at work.  God not only blessed us with awesome, godly neighbors – but God put us in just the right place at just the right time.  We came to the story of Abraham and Sarah.  Reading through that story and listening to the associated podcast truly changed my heart.  God showed me through that study that good things are worth waiting for.  God also showed me that Sarah only had one son – and that son truly made a difference for all mankind.  The Bible never mentions Sarah’s emotions after having her only son Isaac – but it made me realize that she was truly happy with what God had given her.  I didn’t have to have a large family to be happy.  My duty as a mom was/is to invest as much about God as I can into my only son so that he can leave behind a legacy.  This gave me peace.

A couple that used to go to our church started sending out emails about their “adoption journey from China” in April, 2013.  I would briefly skim over these emails and didn’t think much of them to begin with.  I think this is mostly because I didn’t want to learn more about something that wasn’t possible (again thinking that adoption was way too expensive and impossible).  I didn’t want to give myself false hope.  But - I started to pray.  I prayed for my heart and for the heart of my husband.  I asked God to open our hearts and our minds to adoption if that was what He wanted. 

In May, 2013 I started seeing a little girl adopted from Haiti for speech therapy services (I work in Early Childhood Intervention as a speech-language pathologist and work with children who are birth to three years old).  I have worked with adopted/foster kids before and have always been eager to learn how to teach them to communicate (since these skills are usually absent in 0-3 year olds who have been abused/neglected).  Little “H” (name changed for privacy) was a bright, vibrant little one who was recently diagnosed with severe-profound hearing loss in both ears.  Her adoptive mom had no idea when they brought her home that she was Deaf; it was “conveniently” left out of her history according to the orphanage she came from.  The little two-year-old was already picking up signs and showed awesome potential for communicating.  Again – God was working.

In July I stopped seeing “H” for speech therapy due to insurance issues with her therapy.  I emailed her adoptive mom a couple weeks afterwards just asking for advice and general info on adoption.  She emailed me back with the surprising news that she was actually a missionary in the states that helped families through the foster/adoptive process.  I was blown away! Right then and there I knew God was moving us in a specific direction.  I remember telling the mom (Tiffany S.) – “I have no idea what I’m doing – but I’d like to learn more.”

And now, here we are.  I have never had more peace and more joy than I do in this moment.  I know God has led us to where we are right now for a purpose.  God’s plan is always perfect.  His plans never falter.  The joy that fills my heart when I think about our next son or daughter has been worth my heartache.  Now – my heart aches to hold that sweet child against my chest and tell them, “it’s okay.” My heart yearns to sweep that precious child in my arms and give them the love they deserve.  Do we know what we’re doing? Not really.  Do we know what we’re getting ourselves into?  Absolutely not.  But are we where we should be? Without a doubt – yes.  And there’s no better place to be than right in the middle of God’s will.