The Honey Lesson

I have this bad habit of buying a bottle of honey, using most of it, then buying another bottle "because it looks good." Up until yesterday I had four opened, partially-used bottles of honey in my pantry. Honey is amazing because it is the ONLY food (to my knowledge) that NEVER expires. Instead, when honey is exposed to varying temperatures (and over time in general), it crystallizes. When honey crystallizes, it's virtually impossible to get it out of the container. This is what had happened to three out of four bottles in my pantry. I decided it was time to finally de-crystallize the multiple bottles of honey in my pantry so I can USE them. 

I usually break out the honey and green tea when Micah gets sick - so I was able to use the rest of one bottle yesterday. For those who don't know - honey is an AMAZING all-natural sugar source and also aids in the relief of sore throats, coughing fits, and allergies. There are over 60 references to honey in the Bible. 

In order to de-crystallize honey, you have to dunk it in some hot water. One bottle of honey in particular needed REALLY hot water (the bottle on the far right). I boiled some water, then set it aside. I then put the bottle of firmly crystallized honey in the water. As I waited, I pondered - I think Christians can be like honey sometimes. God gives Christians the opportunity to be some of the most influential people in the world - making a difference for Gods kingdom. But - just like the honey - if we sit for too long in one place, we can get hardened and desensitized. We can get complacent. We get laxidazical. Sometimes God has to put us in some hot water to make us useful again - whether it be financial hardship, the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a job - God sometimes has to turn up the heat to restore our usefulness in Him once more. 

I LOVE how honey never expires - just like Gods love for us. He may have to "turn up the heat" in our lives sometimes - but all so we can be used for an even greater purpose than we can imagine. 

"My son, eat thou honey, because it is good; and the honeycomb, which is sweet to thy taste: So shall the knowledge of wisdom be unto thy soul: when thou hast found it, then there shall be a reward, and thy expectation shall not be cut off." Proverbs 24:13-14

The never ending home study

Got a phone call today from the lady (Marie) that completed our home study in October (and the one who asked Ray more questions in November). She told me that the agency is asking for more "clarification" on "some items" and we needed to schedule another time that she can come out and get these clarifications taken care of. The closest date that our schedules worked together was Thursday, January 16th at 4:00pm. 

After getting off the phone with Marie, I have to admit that I was deflated and very discouraged. Some of the thoughts that ran through my head were:

"Are we doing the right thing?"

"What happens if they still turn us down after this?"

"Maybe we should just quit - but then what?"

Then I remembered something. The devil wants us to get discouraged. The devil wants us to quit. He wants to see our hopes demolished. He wants us to forget our purpose. Most of all - he wants every orphan to stay an orphan indefinitely. He doesn't want us to give an orphan a family. 

I'm stubborn enough to not let the devil win. He will NOT steal my joy in this trial. God will prevail. God hasn't forgotten us. God is still leading us, and in His time, the right children will come into our home. Not all of the children we meet will become a part of our forever family - but we WILL make a difference in their lives for Gods glory. 

Onward we go. 

"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7

"Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." Romans 15:13

An update on "the process"

The title is appropriate in naming it "a process."  We were going full steam ahead, getting things turned in as fast as possible, only to be doing nothing but waiting for over a month now.  Our home study was completed on October 17th, but our agency wanted more information on Ray's background, his motivations for adopting, etc. etc.  Scheduling "difficulties" resulted in these questions not getting answered until last Monday.  Now, we wait some more.  The home study report is probably at least 30 pages and details everything about our lives (past, present, future), so I suppose I can understand why it takes so long.  Still - to be rushing through everything and now hurry up and WAIT - I find it difficult.  The past three months of our lives have been revolving around foster/adoption - and when that process comes to a standstill, what is there left to do but pray?

Even though I had my hopes on being licensed and having another child by Thanksgiving, God was pushing me to go to Huntsville for a break.  My parents own land down there (it was where my dad grew up), and it's truly a beautiful place to just get away from it all.  Break habits.  Change the schedule for a couple days.  I was hesitant to go - but God told me to - so I went.  I admit that I desperately needed that time away.  I needed time to breathe in some fresh country air.  I needed to forget about the stress of the foster/adoption.  I feel like such a weenie for saying that, considering our process has been virtually seamless thus far - but nevertheless, the devil always finds a way to discourage those that are weak.

We had set up the pack n' play in Micah's bedroom, both for the home study and for Micah to get used to its presence (in the hopes that we would be licensed by Thanksgiving).  As I was cleaning last Saturday, I decided to pack it back up and set it against a wall in Micah's room.  I've been contemplating changing Micah's crib into the toddler bed; a decision I've been putting off because I figured we would use the crib for a foster baby and just get Micah a new bed for Christmas.  But thinking through all of this, God spoke to my heart:

If you focus too much on the "next best thing," you'll miss out on the blessings that are right in front of you.  

Of course, Paul states that we should be anxious for nothing - that we should be content with what we have - but I suppose I've lost my grasp on those truths over the past couple months.  Sometimes I can be so foolish; a forgetful girl that loses sight of God's promises.  God didn't ask me to put my entire life on hold as we go through this process - so life will go on.  The pack n' play will stay put away until it's needed.  Micah's crib will be converted into the toddler bed.  And just like every trying period in life - my focus needs to be on HIM.  The wait may be hard - but He has the best plans in mind.  I need to remember this.

Precious Blessings

Each night Micah and I have our routine.  We read books, pray, turn on music, and turn on stars.  Some nights, Micah requests to "rock" in the chair with me.  Last Monday was such a night.  As Micah lays his head on my shoulder, I inhale deeply.  I treasure that sweet baby smell as I stroke his hair and kiss his soft skin.  Micah will always be my baby boy.

On Sunday our church family was broken to hear of the news of Cody.  The Hensley's have been members of our church for longer than Ray and I have been.  I've known Cody for years.  When the announcement was made as my Sunday school class was taking prayer requests, I broke into tears and had to excuse myself.

My friends - children are precious.  Every good parent knows it.  Every person should believe it.

The night before (last Saturday), I was telling Ray that I felt I needed a break from teaching Sunday school.  I've been teaching children at church for years - but I've grown weary.  My lesson last Sunday was about Daniel; but after hearing about Cody's passing, I knew I had to change it last minute.

I teach fourth and fifth graders in our church.  The majority of them are "bus kids" - kids that our bus ministry brings in.  Some of these kids have never heard about Jesus.  These kids don't know what it means to be Saved through faith in Him.  I knew Cody was a believer, and I knew he was in Heaven - but did these kids know that? No.  God told me without saying a word that it was now MY job to tell these kids who Jesus was.  I laid out the plan of salvation for those nine and 10-year olds.  And just like that - God reminded me of my purpose for teaching.  I may get weary - but I'm there to tell those kids who Jesus was and how He can give us the everlasting life after this life is over.

Cody was a sweet young man that I remember as always respectful and kind.  I saw him at VBS this past summer and remember telling Julie (his mom) - "when did he get so old?!" Cody had grown up into a fine and handsome young man that I was proud to know.  He was a great kid, and will always be remembered as such.

My grief this past week wasn't so much over Cody's passing - but it was for his mom, Julie.  As a mom with one son, my heart can't fathom the pain of losing him.  Every time I would think about the accident, or think about Cody, I would picture myself in Julie's shoes.  As a mom, my heart is broken for her.  My heart ached when I saw the pictures of the accident.  My eyes wept when I saw his casket this morning.  I saw a former member of our church at the funeral today, and while hugging my neck she said, "they are all our babies, aren't they?" It's true.  Once you become a parent, it doesn't matter the age difference - we are all the parents of the children at our church, big and small.  Through this tragedy we have all come together in our hearts and wept with Julie over the passing of Cody.  My heart weeps for her even now.

This year has been a year of sadness.  Sweet Jesse was the first, then my Addi-Beau, and now Cody.  I also found out this past week that one of my ECI babies is in the last stages of his disease.  I pray that his parents will be able to give him one more Christmas.  These losses remind me of who is in control.  Every day is a gift.  Children are a precious privilege.  If you have children in your life, hug them tighter.  And since we are all God's children - we all deserve a hug.  Don't miss an opportunity to say "I love you" to someone.  It may be the last time you have the chance.

Please continue to pray for the Hensley family.  Pray deeply.

Six Months

Tomorrow will mark six months since sweet Jesse went home.  I've been thinking about it all week.  I'll never forget the day I got the news.  I'll never forget that sweet face.  Sweet Jesse was such a blessing and a light to my soul, if only for a moment.

I reflect back on the past six months of this year, and they've been rough.  Shortly after Jesse went home, I had to let my Addi Beau, my sweet Deaf Boxer boy, go as well due to two strokes (and probably a brain tumor as the culprit).  April and May were very, very rough months for me.  The following months after Jesse and Addi's passing, my heart was deeply wounded.  Many non-Christians often think that a loving God would never let "bad things happen to good people." But God was working.  It was during those months that I had to lean on Him to see me through.  God broke my heart by taking away three things - a sweet precious baby, my dog I had rescued and loved for eight years, and the dreams of having another baby of my own.  Yes, I can say that God "took" them - because all things belong to Him in the first place.  God's plan is always perfect.  God never makes mistakes.  If my heart wasn't broken - if I had no where to turn but Him - my heart would have never opened up to children in need.

Six months.  That seems like such a short period of time, but so much has happened.

God is still working.  With every orphan child's face I see, I'm reminded of how much God loves them.  Sweet children - who never asked for their situation;  never asked for their circumstances that have led them to where they are.  Innocent lives that deserve a better tomorrow.  God never closes one door without opening another.  He closed the door on portions of my life these past six months to open my eyes to what blessings lie ahead.

"...nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." 2 Timothy 1:12

Home Study, etc.

Tonight after reading our Bible story and saying prayers, Micah sat in my lap and was playing with my hair (if only he could really "picks it" ((fix it)) like he says he is).  I pointed to the playpen I have set up in his room and asked, "Micah, what is that in here for?" He pondered for a minute, then said, "mmm....poster tid?" (foster kids).  I am so humbled by my sons love for others.  Over the past several weeks we have truly seen him blossom in his love and care for others.  That kind of spirit can be taught - but I believe it is mostly a gift from the Almighty Himself.  Only God can love others unconditionally - and my sweet son is a picture of that love.  Love without discrepancy - love without prejudice.  I love how my son loves.

Just had to brag on my boy for a minute.  Now to the juicy details of our home study that so many are wondering about.  :)

Our home study was scheduled for 5:00 last Thursday.  At 5:00, I get a call from our "home study person" (I don't know what her title is, honestly) saying that she was coming from the Denton area and was running late.

I went to school in Denton for five years....I knew she wouldn't be there until close to 6:00.  Sure enough, I was right.  She said she wanted to make up for lost time, so she would try to get through the interview questions before walking through the house.  The interviews went fine (it was separated into a couple interview and individual interviews).  After the interviews, she did the walk through our house.

Let me pause here to say that Ray and I were truly expecting (and planned for) a thorough walk through - with the "person" opening every door, every drawer, checking every single detail on every one of the checklists that we were given as a guide (there are about five checklists that go into what is required for fostering).  Expecting her to go through our house with these checklists, I nearly memorized all of them to ensure every detail was complete.  So - I was more than a little shocked when she handed ME the checklists and told me to fill them out and sign at the bottom.  Shocked.  This wasn't the intrusive home study we were imagining at all.  So much of it was based on the honor system - which I guess makes sense considering we are dealing with a Christian agency.

We were told ahead of time that the home study would take 4-6 hours to complete.  Ours lasted about three hours.  I think this was partially due to the fact that it didn't actually begin until 6:00 and our "person" was probably tired.  Not only did she drive from the Denton area, but she also worked a full day prior to that.  I would be exhausted too!  I did truly appreciate her coming out though.  She was very kind, considerate, and didn't judge.  I felt like we could be open and honest with her, and we were.

I knew going through the home study that SO many people were praying for us.  I know that the home study wouldn't have gone as smoothly as it did if the prayers weren't there.  We serve an awesome God folks! He has met our every need through this process and I know He will continue to do so.

So, what's next? Well - at this point we are about 1-2 weeks from being licensed.  We have our last training on Thursday evening.  After that, it's just a waiting game.  Waiting on "the call."  Waiting on God to bring us the right children He wants us to care for.

I do have one more prayer request, however.  The last thing we have to turn in is a couple book reports.  Really, these aren't even long enough to be considered "reports."  They are just paragraphs.  The painstaking part of this is (since its based on the honor system), we have to read a couple books.  These reports are the last piece of our foster-adoption-license-process.  And I *strongly dislike* reading! It's horrible!!! I made A's and B's in college - and that is due largely to the fact that I READ.  I read text books like there was no tomorrow.  But reading these books is SO difficult for me!  Please pray for me that I'll find the time and have the endurance to read these books so we can get licensed.  Its such a pitiful thing to lack for starting our ministry.

Thanks to all for the prayers and support - I can hardly wait to have another little blessing in our house.  :)

Tears of Joy

"Lord, thou hast heard the desire of the humble: thou wilt prepare their heart, thou wilt cause thine ear to hear: To judge the fatherless and the oppressed, that the man of the earth may no more oppress." Psalm 10:17-18

This verse plays in my mind over and over again as I consider where we are right now.  I got an email today letting us know that we have been assigned a "home study assessor," (if I could give her a title) that will be completing our home study.  We should be getting a call very soon from her to schedule our home study.  At this point, we are about four weeks away from being licensed as an "open" home.

As I read through the email detailing the elements of the home study and what to expect, I began to cry.  All I could think about was how God had heard my desire to have another child, and He has provided a way where there seemed to be no way.  Mind you - the journey to get here was a very painful one.  The pain of infertility can only be understood by one who has been through it.

God had to break me to bring me here.  He had to crush my dreams and help me discover new ones.  God created a person so broken that I had no reliance on anyone but Him.

God is my Provider.  It is only through His provision through many people that we have been able to come this far.  It is because of the generous hands of those around me that we will welcome a child (or two) into our home.  God only knows who those children are - but our hearts are ready for them.  Our hearts are waiting for them.  The heart within me that God broke is now fitting the pieces back together again.  He will show me the way to heal the hearts of children that come from hard places.  It is only by His strength - His will - His plan - His purpose - that I can accomplish anything and everything.

"For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him: And he is before all things, and by him all things consist. And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence." Colossians 1:16-18